Miscarriage Scare

Thursday night I started bleeding. I tried not to worry since there wasn't anything I could do about it. But I woke up at 3:30 bleeding again and was sure that I was having a miscarriage. I sobbed and sobbed. I haven't felt really connected to this baby but the thought of losing it was heartbreaking.

I left a message for my midwife and waited to hear back from her. I called again and found out the office didn't open until 9:00. On my third call the secretary told me that the midwife in that day (not my midwife) would be in at 10:00 and would call me first thing. When I didn't hear from her I called again and it sounded like the secretary had forgetten to tell anyone. They said I could come in at 2:00. I waited until almost 3:00 to finally be seen. And to finally hear a heartbeat and know that I hadn't miscarried. I was of course relieved but physically exhausted from not sleeping and emotionally exhausted from all the crying. And upset that it had taken so long to get in to see someone and wasn't even able to see or talk to my own midwife.

They sent me over to the hospital to have an ultrasound. I had a student tech with an instructor standing over her and it was earlier than she is used to doing ultrasounds so it took forever. But it was amazing to see the baby move and know that everything was okay. For the first time in this pregnancy I felt connected to this baby. To see him moving around and have them check everything and say he and I are OK.

Relieved and again upset. After all that the doctor couldn't even be bothered to come in and talk to me. He sent the student tech back into say, "Everything is fine, go home and take it easy." So then, why am I bleeding? I know sometimes the answer is unknown, but it would have been nice to have the doctor take 30 seconds to tell me that sometimes it happens, they don't know why, what it might have been and whether it might happen again.

I spoke with the other midwife the next day and was a bit more satisfied when she read me the report. Told me all the things they had checked that would be concerns and also read from the report, " source of bleeding is unknown." So they didn't know. Guess doctors don't like to say that out loud. Overall I was really unsatisfied with my midwife's office & the doctor.

But as for the baby...YIPPEE! Not that I am enjoying pregnancy any more than I was before; but I saw the baby move. I felt a connection to him. And such concern at the thought of losing him. Yes, looks like a BOY. At only 15 weeks it is early yet, but it certainly looks like a boy. I had a brief moment of disappointment but I am actually very excited to have another little boy. And for Max to have a brother. It was and emotional and scary experience, but there was a definite plus side as I saw the baby and felt myself connecting for the first time.