1st Trimester

I am 14 weeks along with baby number two. It was even more miserable than I remember. Actually that is not entirely true. The first time around I was working and that was much harder. Having to get up each morning to an alarm, try to eat something without throwing up, driving to work and sitting at a desk all day was awful. At least this time I can sleep in until Max absolutely needs me, stay in my pajamas all day if I feel like it, eat when I need to and nap during the day.

Yet still, miserable. The exhaustion is the worst. I do have a bit more energy as I begin my second trimester. The problem has been the non-stop headache that I have had for about a month now. Even with more energy I feel awful because the headache wears and wears and wears on me. Other than the typical first trimester exhaustion and queasiness and breast tenderness it has not been too bad. Meaning I am trying to be positive about it because it could be worse if I was throwing up every day.

I am hoping for a girl. This will most likely be my last one and I would like to have a boy and girl. Have both experiences. But I will of course be happy with another boy and in some ways that might actually be easier. We will be finding out so I will know in about a month.

I don't sound overly excited do I? Well, I am not at this point. I knew when I had Max that I would do it again because we wanted him to have a sibling. But at this point I mostly feel like I am pregnant for Max, not for me. I don't feel particularly baby-hungry or excited. When we decided in January to have another one I was baby-hungry. Then I miscarried and it seemed that the hormones changed everything. I just didn't have the same feeling of excitement about it. I just knew that it was what we wanted for our family.

And I know that once the baby arrives I will love and adore him/her. Maybe even once I feel the baby move I will feel more connected and be more excited.