Erika is staying with me and needed some clothes to wear. So I did something I have been avoiding. I pulled out my boxes of clothes-I-hope-to-get-back-into-someday. It was a hard moment. I have been avoiding it for good reason...I have a TON of cute clothes that I can't fit into at all. Will I ever again?
Looking at them was like looking at a different person...a different me. I did once upon a time wear these clothes. I looked cute in them. I had favorites. I still have favorites and when I looked at them it seemed that I should just be able to slip them on. But I know better than to go there. Looking at them is bad enough; there was no way I was going to try them on. I kept my composure as I helped Erika find shirts and pants, then left quickly before she could see me get emotional over a bunch of clothes.
Then, I called Kimber to cry on her shoulder for a moment. She presented an interesting question; it is not just a question of..."Will I ever fit into these clothes?" There is also the question of..."Do these clothes still fit me?" I am a different person now. Do the styles, colors, patterns, prints, etc. reflect the person that I am now? Are they too young, too cutsie, too whatever to really ever fit the me that I am now? And how much of the girl I was is still here? If (no, I should say WHEN) I fit back into those clothes, will these clothes fit me?
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About Me
- Kara
- I love being a stay-at-home Mom. I have an amazing husband and an adorable little boy.
7 comments:
I'm sorry you had to face that box because my daughter is there. I have been ignoring my box - just not ready to face it yet. You brought up alot of good points about it but it is still hard, no matter how great the perspective is on it.
I think part of it is that I'm not ready to give away the clothes that represent the me that I want to get back to again. Not to give up the knowledge that I have gained but to once again be the energentic, fun, cute, healthy, free from headache me that wore those clothes. I'm just not sure the style would fit a near 40 year old me.
Oh, well - back in the closet it hides!
You have to be a lonnnnnnng way from 40 because I can't be that old.
I still have one dress in my cedar chest knowing I will never get back into it but I loved it so much and it was at one of those times when I really loved the whole me. It is probably time to move on. sigh
OOPS-that was in response to Kimber's comment-you Kara are an extremely long way from 40
I have a funny about this classic situation...I also have a box of clothes that I probably won't fit into ever again but can't let go of. Right now it is labeled "Kate's Small Clothes". The box right next to it is labeled "Maternity Clothes". Mike and I were laughing because I currently reside between these two boxes, yet I won't give either of them up.
Oh you silly girls and your clothes. This is one of those moments where I shake my head and try not to understand women.
Sentiment is a funny thing.
I finally had to accept the fact that my hips were stuck in the 'having babies' mode and probably won't contract back to that pre-baby-making phase.
I no longer have any of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I gave away the last of them last year, and am happily moved on to finding new, cute clothes that fit my newly-adjusted hips. ;-)
I hate shopping for clothes, but sometimes it's nice to go treat myself to something new.
But I know what you mean - the psychological aspect of mourning the loss of what I once was, the girl I used to be, 'in my prime' (as me and Hubby joke about it - the sexy me when I was 21 years old).
Dal has helped me through a lot of this changing phase. I'm different, I'm new, I'm changed, I'm not the old me, like you were saying. But interestingly, I'm a better person - still beautiful in many ways, still sexy in many ways, still full of goodness and all that makes me me.
I don't remember who talked about change in Conference this weekend, but it was a nice talk for me to hear. I resist change in many ways. But I'm in a good spot right now, and I'm going to be happy with it.
Hugs to you!!
I don't have a box but I have a few clothes hanging up in my closet. Each time the Stake President asks us to donate to the DI I pull out one or 2 shirts that I'm sure would look cute on me one day and give up on those shirts. I guess I do it a little at a time so it isn't as devastating as looking at a whole box. Dragon has also been so helpful there. Anytime I whine about my clothes not fitting he helps me replace some of the items that I loved so that I love something different.
I do have to say I love how all my sisters dress and am very jealous of you guys. I don't know if it is just me but I feel like I'm a lot bigger than all of you and have farther to go to lose weight to fit into anything that I once loved. I think you all look great. Oh that we were all so easy on ourselves huh.
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