A Mother's Book of Secrets

*This is a long post with notes about what caught my attention. If you don't want to read it I highly recommend reading the book.
This was one of the books for sale at Time Out For Women. I made a note of it and checked it out from the library. I thoroughly enjoyed it and made many notes of helpful tips and things I would like to do with Max, now and in the future.

Wit's End
I first heard this quote at TOFW. Victor Hugo said, " Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
The author continues to say, " It makes me feel at peace knowing that after I've done the very best I can do, there's someone more powerful that can fill in the gaps."

One of the things I really took away from TOFW was this principle; that the Lord fills our insufficiencies. That when we are at our wit's end He asks what we have, then takes it and multiplies it. And then I read the same thing in this book. Maybe it just stood out to me because I hope as a mother for this blessing.

The Balancing Act
The author gives three "secrets" that she has used in raising her family of nine children. Each day she writes down three things:
1. One thing that you will do for yourself. (Could be reading the intro in the book you have been dying to read, writing a letter you have procrastinated, etc.)
2. One thing that you will do for someone in your family. (A child, spouse, mother. Some little thing that will make a difference, complimenting a child, calling Mom.)
3. On thing that you want (need) to do in your world. (Clean out the junk drawer, serve a friend, send a note to someone you appreciate.)

I liked this idea as I am very much a list person and these days it feels like I accomplish so little on my lists. I like the idea of simplifying it to these three things will help me feel that I have accomplished something as well as better my relationships and environment. However, the part that really made an impression on me is the fourth tip.

4. Serendipity: Finding something good while looking for something else. The unexpected will happen, so instead of being caught of guard by it, watch for it. Instead of thinking in the morning, "What do I have to do today?" you might be able to think, "I wonder what's going to happen to me today?"

This is so common in my life. I have plans for the day and nothing goes the way that I had hoped/planned. I am working at seeing the serendipity as a positive thing rather than letting it get me down that my day didn't go as planned.

Prayer Works
A fun idea about prayer by Norman Vincent Peale. Their family synchronized their watches at morning prayer so that they could pray for each family member who had specific worries at certain time of the day. (For a child taking a test, Dad in an important meeting.) What a fun way to think about and pray for each other throughout the day.
The author told of a very hectic time in their lives when whoever was leaving would yell "huddle" and whoever was in earshot of the front door would have a prayer. Sometimes it was just the one child and one parent, sometimes two or three or more joined the circle. I wondered if there were times that they had three of four prayers each morning, sometimes one on one with a child. What an opportunity to pray with each of your kids. It seems this is truly seeing the serendipity rather than dwelling on the fact that the entire family didn't kneel for family prayer each morning.

Chieko N. Okazaki in her address, "Lighten Up!" talked about how as mothers we tend to compartmentalize our lives. We have different cubbyholes for different things: family, church, gardening, and so on. She said instead of thinking of our spiritual lives as one of our cubbies, it should be more like the scent in the air that drifts through all the rooms.

She relates this story:
"Suppose the Savior comes to visit you. You've rushed around and vacuumed the guest room, put the best sheets on the bed, even got some tulips in a vase on the dresser. Jesus looks around the room, then says, 'Thank you for inviting me into your home. Please tell me about your life.'
"You say, 'I will in just a minute, but something's boiling over on the stove, and I need to let the cat out.'
"Jesus says, 'I know a lot about cats and stoves. I'll come with you.'
"'Oh, no,' you say. 'I couldn't let you do that.' And you rush out, carefully closing the door behind you.
"And while you're turning down the stove, the phone rings, and then Jason comes in with a scrape on his elbow, and the visiting teacher supervisor calls for your report, and then it's suppertime, and you couldn't possibly have Jesus see that someone forgot to turn on the dishwasher so you're eating off paper plates, and then you have to drive Lynn to her basketball game. So by the time you get back to the room where Jesus is still patiently waiting for you, you're so tired that you can barely keep your eyes open - let alone sit worshipfully at Jesus' feet to wait for those words of profound wisdom and spiritual power to wash over you, to make you different, to make everything else different - and you fall asleep whispering, 'I'm sorry. I'll try to do better. I'm so sorry."
The author continued to say, "Isn't this how we are as mothers? When we really need the Savior's guidance the most, sometimes we tend to shut it out. The secret is to use prayer to our advantage. Let the Savior "follow us" around and help us out when we're at the end of our ropes."

A Plan For You/The Five-Facet Review
The important thing for mothers to remember is that you are the greatest asset your family has. In taking care of yourself, you preserve the asset.

The author had what she called a "Sunday Session." Her husband would keep the kids from pounding down her door for half an hour while she contemplated her plans for the week (and then did the same for him.)

One night a month the author and her husband would go out to dinner and have only one thing on the agenda: the kids. They went through five facets of each child's lives as they discussed how each was doing physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, and spiritually. With five areas to discuss about nine children it might seem this would be an overwhelming task, but each time they would have just three of four things written down to work on with different children. One time realizing that a child might need glasses as they discussed her physically and remembered a passing comment about not being able to see the board. She learned things she didn't know she knew and her husband learned about what was going on while he was at work. They were able to problem solve and exchange ideas. This allowed them to not only realize problems that could be solved, but areas that the kids were doing well and they were able to compliment them in and build them up. This monthly ritual was a great offense to catch little problems before they became big.

Random Tips That I Want To Remember
*Late Nights: The kids get to rotate each getting a turn once a week to stay up 15 minutes later than the others.
*Give Ownership: Key to changing your job description as parent from taskmaster, referee and drill sergeant to one of consultant.
*Dinnertime: Everyone tells their "Happies" and "Sads." Helps the kids tell about their day instead of just saying it was "fine" or "bad."