Surprise 2

He surprised me again! He put me in the car and took me to see Harry Potter. We haven't been to a movie in a long time. And now two in a row...and both a surprise. What a guy!

Surprise 1

James surprised me today when he put me in the car and took me to dinner at Outback. Dinner was so yummy! Afterwards he didn't take us home as I expected but instead headed to the theater where we went to Bourne Ultimatum. He doesn't usually catch me off guard, but he sure did tonight. We had such a great time!

Grandma Died

Grandma F died in her sleep today. Everyone, including Dad seems to be handling it well. It is just such a relief because she hasn't been well for a long time. Dad gave her a blessing a few weeks ago that said she would die peacefully. Her funeral will be Friday. John is flying in and I will pick him up and will stay in Rexburg for the weekend.

Sick in Church

Lisa was speaking in Sacrament and I really wanted to stay for her talk. As I began to feel really yucky I tried to convince myself that I could stay just until her talk was over. Unfortunately, I couldn't even make it through the Sacrament. I didn't want to be sick at the church. Luckily I live very close and I made it home just in time to be very violently ill. It was only the second time that I have actually thrown up. I was disappointed though. I have not been good at staying through all of church and this time I really wanted to, intended to, but couldn't do it.

Break Down

I was so exhausted by the time I left work that I cried all the way home and then laid in bed and sobbed. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. I don't want to work. So, of course J came in to check on me. I know it was emotional and irrational and unfair but I was mad at him because I have to work. I want him to take care of it all so I don't have to. I did talk to him and despite me telling him that he is irresponsible and basically blaming everything on him he has the amazing ability to stay calm, not get defensive and not take it personally. As he explained his methods I can see that he actually does have a system, he is getting rid of so much debt and is quite responsible. It just isn't my way and I always think my way is better. But I can't make him do things my way, especially because his way works for him. I just don't give him credit for it. I know so much of this just comes from the exhaustion. I don't feel like me. He held me while I cried. He calmed me.

Kimber's Visit: Sunday

We skipped church but had a spiritual morning. As we talked we watched bits of several different things...Elder Fausts's talks, CES Firesides. Kimber got ideas for FHE. We talked about the things we should be doing, why we aren't doing them, what we can change. It was so uplifting and motivating. I think we both gained some perspective, a better attitude, a renewed desire to try again. We are good for each other. Non-judgmental. We also don't let the other totally off the hook, but give encouragement, feedback and support.

After she left I laid in bed and read all the cards she has sent me. To actually have in writing some of the things we talk about and feel was amazing. I prayed and cried and thought aloud. I don't want to work and I don't know how to make that happen. J came in and we were able to talk it through. It is really not possible for me to just quit working completely, but there are things I can do to make it easier on myself. I forget that the guys (Donny & Randy) will be flexible and not expect me to stick to a complete schedule. James and I also came up with some scenarios in which I can do most of the work from home. I do feel better about things...I realize there is the part of me that just wants to quit entirely and be taken care of while I take care of the baby, but James and I are not in that situation right now. We will make this work. It will probably be much easier and simpler than I think and as is typical, I am over-thinking it.

Kimber's Visit: Saturday

After lunch at Olive Garden, Kimber and I did some shopping at Kid to Kid. The funny part is that neither of us know what we are having but we both bought lots of cute girl clothes. Even if this one is a boy, hopefully I will have a girl at some point so I don't feel like it is a waste. This is Kimber's last one but she has a good friend that is having a girl that she can give the clothes to if she has a boy. Everyone in their family is hoping for a girl. Me...I guess when we were buying cute girl clothes I was thinking girl, but nether J or I really have a feeling about it one way or the other. Here are a few of the cute things I found.