The Cat

Anybody want a cat? I am annoyed, irritated, frustrated, and feel bad about the way I treat him. I would have gotten rid of him long ago but for my husband. He thinks he is protecting me from something that I will regret later. And when we first came home from the hospital with Max that made sense. When Max was a month old it still made sense. When he was two months old I decided I needed to give it a little more time. Now that Max is 7 months old, my feelings are not changing, in fact the feelings of intense dislike are intensifying. And some of those negative feelings are spreading to the husband who just won’t let me get rid of the dumb cat.

The cat was mine. James married into the cat and is allergic to him. You would think he would jump all over the chance to get rid of him. But NO! Every time I talk about it he says I shouldn’t do it. And I just don’t feel like I can make the decision to do it myself without having his agreement. James says he is part of the family. But no member of the family should be treated this way. We don’t abuse him or anything, but most of the time we just want him to go away and stop bugging us. I feel bad. And having him around is a constant nagging reminder of it. At least if he weren’t here I wouldn’t have to feel bad about it all.

I raised the cat since he was 6 weeks old, this has always been his home. We had a certain relationship and I changed, not the cat. He doesn’t do anything differently, but I feel differently. And I can’t seem to get it back. Those feelings of affection for him. I feel bad that I treat him differently and feel that it is unfair for him to be in this hostile atmosphere when he didn’t do anything. I don’t want to put him to sleep or anything…I would like to find him a good home, I just don’t want him here anymore. And yet, James insists that I will regret it and that there are reasons for keeping him, such as Max will like playing with him…but the cat didn't grow up with kids and we have to watch him carefully because he has already tried to bite Max.

When driving in yesterday and seeing the cat I actually had the thought that I wished he would just get hit by a car. That is a HORRIBLE thing to think and I immediately repented of that. I wouldn’t want that. But it did make me realize how intensely I feel about him not being here anymore. John, I wish you could take him. I know you would love that. And I hope you don’t think less of me because I don’t want him anymore. Just one of the ways being a mom has changed me. I wish I could reconnect with the affectionate relationship I had with the cat, but it does not seem to be happening.

I remember that he was so comforting to me when I was pregnant. And Max would kick so much when the cat was lying near my stomach. I miss that, but can't seem to feel it anymore. Basically I decided that something had to be done, one way or the other. I may never be able to have the same affectionate bond with the cat, but I should at least be able to treat him with compassion rather than animosity. And if I just can't, then it is time to get rid of him.

So began the cat experiment. I reopened his cat door and that seemed to work for a while. The independence seemed to suit him and I wasn't always having to let him in or out. I worked at giving him some attention, petting him, letting him sleep on my bed again. And that seemed to be working. I was enjoying having him around again. Until I went into the living room and almost sat Max down on top of a dead mouse. Instantly all of my good feeling towards him vanished. I realize that it is his cat nature to do these things. And although it always annoyed me, I dealt with it before. But I don't want to just deal with it. I want it to be good or gone. So, back to the question...anybody want a cat?