The Coolest Sister Ever

I have three other awesome sisters; but this weekend Kimber gets the most awesome award. On Thursday I received a surprise package from her with the book, "I Hate It When Exercise Is The Answer" by Emily Watts. I laughed at the title because I completely agree and I am so excited to read it.

Then On Sunday I had a horrible headache and a serious meltdown. I called her knowing I would find a listening ear, an outside honest perspective, female empathy and understanding and a calming influence. Imagine my amazement when she told me that she was half an hour away from my house. Was it just female intuition and friendship that had her traveling to my house or was it listening to the promptings of the spirit that put her there just as I desperately needed her? Probably both. At that moment it didn't matter why. I just felt so blessed; blessed to have her friendship and blessed that the Lord knew to send her on her way hours before I knew I needed her.

After spending a little time talking Kimber and I jumped into the sewing. She knew that I have wanted to start sewing but was nervous to start. I had material and the pattern for an apron so we started there. She walked me through step by step, answering my many questions and giving me the confidence to just do it. We stayed up late sewing and talking. It was such a great night.

My first completed sewing project.

The next morning we went to the fabric store for the Labor Day sale and found fun material and a cute pajama pattern. I am looking forward to continuing the tradition of making pajamas for Christmas. I had material left from the apron so I found a red to put with it and over the next few days I made another apron.

I know the other sisters have also experienced her love and thoughtfulness just as I have, so we can all agree that we have the coolest sister ever. Thanks Kimber!

This actually took place September 8 & 9.

Book Group: These Is My Words

I have wanted to read less "fluff" books and more books with substance. So I put aside my silly novel and opened up the book group book. I got 10 pages into it and wondered why I was reading it. A great deal of the problem was getting no sleep for the previous two nights. But there is so much hardship, death and horrifying experiences that take place in the beginning that I struggled to know why this book would be better than the silly novel I had put aside. Knowing that Kate had read and highly recommended the book I sent her an email (at 3 in the morning) asking her to tell me what it was that drew her to the book and why I should finish it. Because of the great reply I received back from her I picked up the book again and was quickly sucked in. I couldn't put it down for the next two days and finished it quickly. I really enjoyed the main character Sarah and am half in love with Jack Elliot. Several things struck me and I thought I would share them.

It seems it is a day of unusual chores, and I felt restless and in need of more changes. (I got such a chuckle out of her moving furniture. I just moved my living room around and rearranged the three bedrooms.

On Childbirth
"If it was possible for me to have chosen to die rather than go through that childbirth, I am sure many times during it I would have gladly died. How anyone would go on to have another baby, I am sure I do not know...Mama said I must relax more, and Savannah said, try to work with it. But there is no working with something that feels as if your legs are being torn off by the roots, and your insides are being cut with axe blades. They kept saying, just let it go, you are fighting against it too much. And I hurt so bad that I told them both to stop talking. There was nothing I could do but fight against my dying. For two days I laid in that bed,. soaking with sweat, tired and hungry and scared to death, until finally I gave out and couldn't scream any more. It was only when I had no more fight in me that the baby was born. So I understand what they were trying to say, but I don't know how any woman could give up and make herself surrender everything to what feels like being torn in half by teams of horses. It quit begging them to kill me when I though I was really dying, so I laid there and waited for it to happen...When I was finished there was not a single part of me that did not feel worn and exhausted and sore. My eyelids are sore. My fingers are weak."

On Motherhood
"I wonder if every new mother feels as if there is nothing left of herself. Every minute of my day and every last thing I do is tied to this little someone else. I am scared to death I will do something wrong, and she will die or grow up meager or sickly. And I got to thinking about all kinds of things like, how will I know how to teach her not to be selfish? And, how will I teach her to be honest? And how will I know if she has a sickness when she is too little to say what hurts? (What a perfect description of being a new mother.)
"It is a certain kind of terror to know I carry a baby and have the other two to protect. Even with the soldiers around, I feel so alone. Children are a burden to a mother, but not the way a heavy box is to a mule. Our children weigh hard on my heart, and thinking about them growing up honest and healthy, or just living to grow up at all, makes a load in my chest that is bigger than the safe at the bank, and more valuable to me than all the gold inside it. I was plum out of diapers, and some things won't wait, Indians or no, so I did up some wash..." (How we mothers worry and worry and then we have to go on with the reality of the day like diapers.)

On being "good" "For me it seems like the only thing that comes natural is aggravation and hard work...I know Mama and her were crying for love, and for all their dear feelings for our families. They don't know I was crying because they are wrong, because I am not good like them, nor sweet tempered and loving. I was crying because I felt like they didn't see the real me inside, and if they had they wouldn't shed a single tear at all over me...Sometimes I feel like a tree on a hill, at the place where all the wind blows and the hail hits the hardest. All the people I lover are down the side always, sheltered under a great rock, and I am out of the fold, standing along in the sun and the snow. I feel like I am not part of the rest somehow, although they welcome me and are kind. I see my family as they sit together and it is like they have a certain way between them that is beyond me. I wonder if other folks ever feel included yet alone."

"It is an awful thing to look on such sad circumstance and not be able to shed a tear. It is not because I do not feel for these folks, but maybe I feel too much. Part of me is glad, in a low down, mean way, that it is not Albert's or Mama's graves we are digging. Glad that it is some soldiers I don't know and neighbors and friends but not family. Lord, I must be the cussedest woman there is to think that. Finally, I felt so guilty for thinking those things that I creid. Then I began to feel the heartaches of our friends and neighbors and I cried for them, too, as we said prayers over each and every grave. Then I heard Savannah praying on her front porch, and she was saying Thank you, Father, that our home and family was spared, and I suspect she may feel the same way I did, and maybe it wasn't so awful then."

On books & Education
"These books are not trash, I said, as I know they are the opposite. They are the only thing I wanted in my life more than I could name. They are pearls in my hair and scarlet velvet gowns..." (Sarah found a page of a book describing wonderful things like pearls and scarlet velvet gown. I love her description of books as something as wonderful as those things.)

Taking a school test is a new way to be afraid, and takes the knees right out from under you. If I'm riding a horse and get thrown, it's just a matter of getting back on. And if I'm fighting for my life, there's only living and dying to choose from. But taking that test, that's like showing other people the inside of your thoughts, and just waiting for them to say, wrong, wrong, wrong, and you can have a thought that seems right but since you never went to school, maybe it isn't.

Forks And Trees "It seems there is always a road with bends and forks to choose, and taking one path means you can never take another one. There's no starting over nor undoing the steps I've taken. It isn't like I'd want to not have my little ones and Jack and that ranch, it is part of life to have to support yourself. It's just that I want everything, my insides are not just hungry, but greedy. I want to find out all the things in the world and still have a family and a ranch. Maybe part of passing that test was a marker for where I've been, but it feels more like a pointer for something I'll never reach."

"He said wisdom is not a path, it is a tree. At the time I was too busy to give it much thought, so I nodded politely but didn't pay much attention. Now I see that he was surely right. I have been sad almost a whole year, thinking that taking that test was somehow the end of my learning and that not having that as a possibility in my future left a big empty spot in my life that the children and the ranch didn't fill. But my life is not like that, it is a tree and I can stay in one place and spread out in all directions, and I can do more learning shading this brood of mine than if I was all alone. I declare, it is like some other part of me made up some rules about happiness and I just went along with them without thinking. My heart is lightened so much that I am amazed at how sad I felt for so long."

Can a Mom really ever do nothing?

I don't want to do anything today. I haven't wanted to do anything since I got out of bed this morning. I was feeling like I was doing nothing and feeling just a bit guilty about it. Then I thought about my morning and all of the nothing that I did...I showered, changed and dressed Max, made breakfast for Max and I, took Max on a walk, took Max for a bike ride retracing the walk in hopes of finding a lost shoe, made a bottle, changed a diaper, played blocks, played with musical instruments, read stories, made lunch, cleaned lunch off the floor, did the dishes, washed the bottles, pushed Max around the house on his fire-truck, ran around the house with Max and his popper noise-makers, changed another diaper, made another bottle, rocked and sang a very content little boy to sleep.

I didn't do countless of other things that are still there to do which just makes me wonder how I ever fit those things in. Oh yea. Nap time. I am going to ignore all of those things, make myself some lunch...and see if I can figure out how to do nothing.

Blankets are our friends

Since he was big enough to squirm out of a blanket Max has absolutely refused to use one. He would cry if you came near him with a blanket. All of a sudden he decided that it was fun and now he loves to curl up with his favorite green blanket from Aunt Kata.

It's Not a Flower

A while ago while we were passing through a flower section of some store I told James that even though I am a low maintenance girl, I'm still a girl and it would be okay if he surprised me with a flower once in awhile. A few days later he came home and handed me the cutest little pineapple I've ever seen and said, "It's not a flower, but here you go."

I was reminded of all the little things that he does that aren't the "typical" romantic gesture like flowers, but are even better.

Just A Max Bump...Not a Logan Bump

Max fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. I said to James that I hope Max won't be accident prone like his cousin Logan. James just laughed and said that Max isn't even in the same league as Logan. As if to prove him right the very next post of Logan was of his head bump, which makes Max's bump look itty bitty.

I wasn't going to post it at all but look at those eyes!!!

What We Did This Summer...

Yardwork

This spring we did so much work on the hill. We leveled the top and James dug stairs, a path and a flat area for the dog. We dug borders all around the backyard. We also added a shade to the deck, a baby swing (which Max won't use) and a hammock. It definitely made our back yard more kid as well as adult friendly. We have so many ideas for the backyard but the heat drove us inside. Hopefully we can do more this fall.

Deck ShadeBaby Swing
Hammock
Booster Chair

Max started throwing a fit every time I tried to put him in his high chair. So, we went to a booster chair hoping that being able to sit at the table would help. He still throw his fits on occasion but when we all sit down for dinner, he has no problem being in the chair.

Music Together

Max loves his music class but we were not going to be able to continue with them because of the finances. However, I was able to traded some time doing accounting to pay for the class.

Silver Lake

We drove up the canyon and walked around Silver Lake several times this summer. It was a place to go that was outside but cooler.

The Library

Max recognizes the library when we pull into the parking lot and gets very excited. He loves to wander the kids' section, play on the colorful computer and roll on the rug.

Supermarket Car

Max loves these shopping cars. It makes shopping so much easier. Wish every store had these.

The San Diego Zoo (I Wish!)

While at the Library Max picked up this video, so I decided to take it home and try it. He loves it. It is basically just little kids and zoo animals set to classical music. He still likes his "Words" but this is definitely his new favorite.

The Park

Max loves to be outside and loves the park.

Leaving the Park

No matter how long we stay, this is always what happens when we leave.

The Sink

After seeing his cousin stand on the stool to wash her hands, Max just had to have a turn. He loves to play in the water. (Notice he has his puppydog on the stool with him.)

The Stairs

Max finally learned how to go up and down the stairs. We did some practicing and he would still rather be carried but he certainly can get around when he wants to.

The Pool

As much as he loves to play in water, he was really unsure about the pool. It didn't help that as soon as we got it filled the clouds and wind came out.

IKEA

On a particularly hot day we took Max to IKEA just to get out of the house. He had fun wandering, playing with the trains and came home with the roller toy. I came home with many decorating ideas.

Cousin Melita

Melita spent time at our house a few times a week this summer. She and Max are learning to play together and have had fun playing, watching TV, going on walks and going to the wading pools. One night when we babysat we watched Sleeping Beauty, went for a walk and she was so excited to help give Max a bath and put him to bed. It was so sweet when she read "Goodnight Moon" to him then kissed him goodnight.

(James got an unexpected bonus so we went shopping for some things that he thought Max just had to have. )

The BikeWe went looking for a big wheel for Max. We had fun playing on the trikes, but he is not ready for them yet. We came home with this...

So cute and a little worrisome to the Mom that the first thing he did was climb on it. (After the purchase of the wagon we decided to put this away for Christmas. We got too many new things at once and although he loves them all, his wagon is by far his favorite.)

The Wagon

Max loves his new wagon. He couldn't wait until Dad put it together. We went for a walk, then he played it in that night and the next morning he climbed into it and wouldn't get out. I had to fight him just to change his diaper and get him dressed; all so we could get back into the wagon and go for a walk. I like the fact that it is not metal, has high back and seat belts.

Bike Trailer

We have thought about getting one of this for quite a while. And we have started riding our bikes almost every night. We can go so much farther and we always stop at a park to play.